Why I gained ten pounds

I'm not exactly sure if I gained ten pounds. I'm not going to weigh myself until I'm sure that I have lost what I gained. I don't want to give myself a heart attack when I'm the most susceptible to heart attack.




There was food everywhere. Everywhere. Breakfast was served from some hour before I woke up until 11:00. Lunch was served from 11:30 until 4:30. If you wanted a hamburger, you could get one at any hour of the day or night. Dinner was served between 6:00 and 9:30. And then there were late-night snacks, midnight buffets, and hot chocolate and popcorn available at all hours. 
And I ate most of it. My hunny ate what was left.
I'm not huge on buffets for meals. But dessert buffets - that was a different story. There were constant desserts to choose from, and I'm indecisive. I walked to the front of the line and said, "One of each, please." I figured this was the best way to get the cruise experience. On the last day of the trip (the day before my birthday), I went to get my plate from the feeding trough. A woman walked by me and I glanced at her plate's contents. I excitedly explained to my hunny, "She had something round covered in chocolate with a stick in it! There's a chocolate fountain somewhere!!" Oh, yes. Holmes got nothin on me. 
He gestured patiently to a sign above our heads which read "Chocolate Fountain." 
Oh! "So it's true, then!" I declared triumphantly.
I covered many things in chocolate and ate them.
A few evenings, we ate in the dining hall. We had requested the "Open seating" so we could have dinner anytime in the evening. This resulted in some interesting pairings. The first night, we were seated next to a couple of very young people. They were married, but if the little woman was older then 19, she looked amazing. The only comments they shared with us were when the boy commented that he had filled the bottom half of his tea glass with sugar. We laughed. The girl said she was going to go to her room to take some 'germamine'. I'm sure she meant dramamine. 
The next night, we were seated next to an Indian couple who refused to speak except to notify me that I was  allowed to order two entrees if one was not enough to 'fill me up.' Gee, thanks. Clearly I require two entrees to fill myself up. Especially since his birdwife had just eaten a meal of fruit, salad, and a small plate of pasta. 
So the third night, I completely expected to be seated next to a pair of mimes with frowny faces painted on. I imagined us all gesturing toward our food and toward our mouths, sharing the experience of pretending to eat. 
Imagine my ridiculous expression when, as I was seated next to a young couple, I overheard the woman say, "And I was in fourth grade this year, but next year I'll be in second."
WHAT?! A teacher?! Too good to be true. My goofy face belied my inner thoughts. I could tell because her husband looked at me as you look at a child who has 'exciting news' to share. Yes? his face said. And what do you have to say?
"I taught fourth grade for eight years! Next year I'm gonna be a literacy lead and I'm totally freaking out!"Those were the words that escaped my mouth. Needless to say, because she was a teacher and used to people having ridiculous statements stumble out of their mouths without proper greetings or manners, she go over it, and we had a lovely conversation about teaching, STAAR, and state funding for districts.
The last night of the cruise, I was surprised with an engagement! 
No, it was not mine. It was somebody else's.
That night, we had dinner in a fancy place. 

It was called Cucina del Capitano and the staff was full of beautiful Croatian people. Every one was prettier than the last. (I took a picture of two of the pretty men dancing. It was hard, because I was drooling so much.)

We enjoyed a very large dinner of very tasty Italian food. Then my hunny got up to go to the restroom. 
I was sitting by myself, staring out the window into the black water, when I suddenly realized a table near mine had excitedly begun taking pictures of a young couple seated right across from me. 
"Again! Again! Do it again!" the table shouted, as the young couple kissed for the camera.
That's weird. Why are they so excited that they're kissing? 
After a minute, though, (please remember my delayed reaction time with the magician and juggler) I realized the man had just proposed to the woman and the neighboring table was erupting with applause because now these people were forever shackled together. The guy had put a ring in the girl's cannoli. Unfortunately, when she was ordering dessert, she didn't want the cannoli. She wanted something else. The waitress spent several minutes praising the cannoli and explaining how, in an Italian restaurant, you gotta try the cannoli. So she did and she found a ring in it. When Fernie returned to the table, he found me, sitting alone and looking at him grouchily. 

"Proposing on a cruise ship is expected, hunny. It's boring."We'll see what amazing plan he has in store for me. Hopefully it will involve a magician and a juggler.It's probably for the best. The way I was eating on that cruise, I would probably have gulped the ring down and not even noticed it.
And anyway, since it was my birthday, I got a tasty dessert (ringless cannoli, I think they're called) and the handsome waiters sang Happy Birthday. Waaaay better than a ring.

On our way back to our room, after such a romantic evening of someone else's romance, I was serenaded by children racing around to get frozen yogurt on the last night they would be able to eat all night long for 'free'. They raced past Fernie and I, and the frontrunner shouted back to the caboose to "HURRY UP"! The boy in the rear indignantly shouted back, "I'm trying to eat my FRO YO!"
Ah, youth.Pin It

Afros, the magician, and the juggler

The ship was full of pleasant diversions

I'm not sure why I sound like an ad for Carnival written in Japan
and we actually did enjoy some of them. We attended several shows. The first show was a great 70s review show. I know that sounds pretty terrible (and I'm not going to lie. A couple of the songs were, actually) but it was actually pretty great. I spent the entire time admiring this one singer's enormous afro and wishing for one of my own. I've always kind of wanted one. I could wear awesome scarves on it and I would look perpetually cool. I think.

The next show we saw was...wait for it...a magician.

I know.

I'm always kind of anxious attending shows like that. I'm terrified that the 'magician' will pull me out of the audience to help me with one of his tricks.
Illusions, Michael.

And I don't want to help. I am a completely non-participating spectator. I clap and occasionally cheer, but I will not shout out answers to trivia questions, or even simple questions such as, "So where are you from?" I don't want to participate. It's not my job. I'm the audience. Aud = listen. That's what I do.

So I was hesitant to go. But when I got there, I quickly realized it was not that kind of magician.

Have you seen Arrested Development? Please say yes. The visual will be about 900 times better if you have. If you haven't, it's still pretty funny.

 

This is not the ship magician. This is Gob Bluth. Or Will Arnett.

The stage filled with dramatic smoke. And continued to fill with smoke for about two minutes. Then it was filled with people in weird costumes with wigs and hats.

At first, I thought, "How many magicians are there in this show?" They just kept coming out, dancing around and doing vaguely magic-y things. Waving scarves in the air, bending backwards and walking on all fours, and pretending to be dolls. Then my brain said, "Oh. None of those things are magic.
They're just creepy," and the real magician finally came out.

This was Gob. Gob with hair.

He was extravagantly dramatic. He moved his body in a snake-y way, weaving in and out of the fake dancing magicians and actually doing magic. I know it's illusions, but it was magic-ier than what the other fake magicians were doing.

Awesome songs were sung live, reminiscent of "Final Countdown" without actually being Final Countdown. Halfway through there was a terrific laser show. Except that, when push comes to shove, it was really just lights programmed by a computer to point in various directions. But when taken collectively, it was very lasery.

The magician's best trick (I think) was when he pretended to cut a lady into parts. He stuffed a tiny lady into a box with three sections: head, torso, and legs. the Legs.

"It's the Legs, hunny!" I jabbed him in the side. "You know? Like Gob? The Legs?"

"Yes, hunny" he said. "The Legs."

He did some magic-y stuff and spun her 'head' around. After he spun it around twice, (he eventually did it about eight times) it became pretty clear that the hair in the back of her head, which spun around to the front, wasn't actually attached to her head. I leaned over to my hunny, in case his brain didn't catch this very subtle distinction. "It's a wig in the box, hunny," I whispered cleverly. But in the back of my brain, I heard Gob's voice say, "Sure, but where'd the wig come from."

I chuckled. Out loud. And my hunny patted my head, because he knows that I'm nuts.

At the end of the show, the magician did some tricks - illusions, Michael, - and then the lights went down for a second. And this is the moment I realized that I am a small-town girl at heart, and not to be left alone in the big city.

The lights came back up and a voice shouted, "AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!" I confusedly stared at the stage, wondering what was going on and why was the audience shouting so loudly? Then the magician ziplined toward the stage from the back of the theater, where he had been when he shouted Aargh. I had not even realized that the magician wasn't on the stage. I couldn't find him. Everyone else was looking toward where the Aargh came from (except that it came from the speakers, because he was wearing a headset) and I was still blankly staring at the stage. It's a good thing I have my hunny around to tell me what's going on, because something is missing from the way my brain works.

The third show was saw was a juggler. I've already forgotten his name. He was very very funny and juggled a little but told a lot of funny stories and jokes. One of the best parts was when he made fun of the magician. The lights went out and he disappeared from the stage. He shouted, "AAARRGGH!" and when the lights came on again, he was standing in the back of the theater. The audience laughed and cheered as he raced toward the stage, mocking the magician's zipline.

It was at this point that I realized the juggler was no longer on the stage and must be somewhere else in the theater. As everyone else was moving their eyes, following the juggler from the back of the theater to the front, I was moving my eyes from the stage to the juggler, now almost already back on the stage. I didn't even get the magician reference until Fernie delightedly shouted, as is his way when he laughs, "Haha! He made fun of the magician!"

Ohhhh.....

I am worried about early onset Alzheimer's. 

 

See the confused look on my face? 

Anyway, the most awesome feat was when the juggler (I googled the words "Carnival Magic Juggler" but nothing came up, so I'm sorry but I don't have a name for you) got on a bedazzled seven foot high unicycle and juggled these flaming knife-torches while zipping around the stage and wearing a helmet with a lit firecracker on top. I giggled convulsively. It was the firecracker that did me in. It kept shooting off like a sparkler and it was just so deliciously silly.

I spent the rest of the evening ruminating on my slow response time. Oh, well, I thought. Fill up my souvenir glass with the tasty 'drink of the day' and let's all get over it.

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The Ship

woo fancy

One of the first things you do on the ship is to visit your muster station. During this time, the people responsible for your life tell you what your responsibilities are in case of an emergency. Fortunately, the extent of your responsibilities are 1. show up with your life vest. 2. shut up.




That's all you need to know. The rest is somebody else's job. If you haven't read it, Tina Fey's account (Bossypants)of terror on a cruise ship is about the funniest thing to read on the subject. It's also the worst thing to read when you're actually on a cruise ship. I had read it before, but I was foolish enough to think it would make a great reread for the boat.
Anyway, we visited our muster station and I tried to listen seriously. They are talking about life and death, after all. Such as what to do when the buzzer sounds - go to the muster station- and what to do when they tell you to go down the stairs - go down the stairs - and how to put on your life vest - like a normal vest, but with a belt.
It wasn't too complicated. I amused myself by being exceedingly literal. On the life vest video, it explained that the vests included a whistle and a light to use to attract attention. I irreverently wondered what would happen in I put the life vest on immediately, and used the whistle and light to attract attention throughout the trip. 
*whistle!* I need a drink! *flash flash* Can you help me put on more sunscreen?*whistle!* It is very hot and I would like you to fan me.
I was unable to actually try it out, though, because Fernie thought it wouldn't be a good idea. It might work for a while, but after people realized that getting me a new margarita wasn't an emergency, it might backfire and guarantee me a place on the first ship home.

The second thing you should do on the ship is buy the souvenir drink glass. It's actually plastic.Once you have the souvenir drink glass (it comes with the 'drink of the day' in it) ordering a drink is easy as pie. You just wave your glass in the direction of a guy with an apron. They can be anywhere on the ship. *wave-wave* and poof, there's a guy to ask what you want. You just say, "Whatever goes in here today," and hold out your glass. The waiter guy promptly brings you your tasty drink. You drink it all and keep your glass to have it refilled tomorrow - or later - with whatever tasty drink is tomorrow's drink of the day! It's a great system. 

Once you get your drink glass, you will look like me. Happy and stupid.

On the day before my birthday, which was the last day of the trip, I had four drinks. I counted them because that's important. Starting at noon, I had a free drink. My free drink came as a coupon on the bottom of one of the many sheets of paper I received in my stateroom. It was because I was a repeat cruiser. I had been named a "VIP", apparently because I took a cruise before and survived to take another. This coupon had to be used on this trip, and only in the main dining room during breakfast or lunch. I'd already missed breakfast, and I was determined to get my drink during lunch. I didn't want to actually eat lunch. Just drink it.
I searched and searched for the right location to pick up my free drink. This required several trips across the ship. I went to the Northern Lights dining hall. It was closed. I went upstairs to the other Northern Lights dining hall. It was also closed. I went to the guest services and waved my little coupon in the air. "I'd like to know where to get this," I asked. She examined the coupon and told me to go to the Southern Lights dining hall. To do this, I had to go up three floors, across the ship, and down three floors. In effect, I was on the same floor, but I was on it across the ship. I read the sign on the entrance. "Open seating for lunch at 12:00". 
It was 11:00. I had an hour to wait. But wait I did. I was determined to get my free drink. I was going to get something free on this ship. I waited an hour, reading The Girl Who Played with Fire and occasionally getting out of my seat to check the clock on the other side of the hall. When the doors finally opened, I went inside and cheerfully requested a margarita. After ten minutes, my new best friend, the waiter, brought it to me. It was as good as I expected it to be. Even better, because it was 'free'. 

Our stateroom wasn't fancy fancy - it had no porthole, no balcony, no way to see out. But that's okay, because that means that even if we slept till 9:00, no disruptive sunshine came through the glass and woke us up. It's small but large enough. It's really only to shower and sleep. And to be ridiculous in.

The first night we were there, we were pretty worn out from the drive. So we just laid around and watched whatever we could find on TV once we'd been mustered (if that's a verb in that way). I fell asleep, exhausted, and woke up throughout the night. My legs were so cold! I was on a cruise in the middle of July that was not an Alaskan cruise and my legs were freezing! It was very cold.This was all forgotten in the sunshine of the next day. It was not until the next evening, as I got ready for bed, that I realized again that our stateroom was freezing! "It's really cold in here!" I told my hunny. "Really?" he said. "I'm fine."
"Well,"I I said, "I'm not! It's supercold." I traded my tank top for a sweater I had fortunately brought, and my shorts were replaced with jeans. I lay in bed, with socks on, covered with blankets and shivered. "Brrr." I said. My hunny continued to watch Kung Fu Panda 2 on TV. "Isn't crazy how realistic the cartoons are now?" he asked. I stared at the screen and giggled convulsively. A crane and a tiger spoke with a giant panda as they tried to defeat some sort of bird in a battle with dragon cannons. "Ummm, no" I said, to be difficult. It was just SO COLD.
About half an hour later, I said, "You know, I'm surprised that there's no way to control the air in here. It's really cold." "Oh!" said my hunny. "There is! It's right there. The thermostat's on the wall there." I stared at him blankly. "You mean I've sat here for two hours shivering in the bed, covered with blankets and wearing a sweater because it's too cold to sleep on a CARIBBEAN CRUISE AND IT'S BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT THE AIR ON?!"
He grinned sheepishly and adjusted the thermostat. "Yes," he said, in a very small voice.
I slept better after that.

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Fifty Shades of Me.

I am back from my 7 day cruise in the Caribbean. Not surprisingly, I had a very exciting time. I saw a lot of exciting things: a naked man washing his shorts in the river in Jamaica, a juggler who had a firework popping on top of his head, and a Mexican moon pie called "Mamut." These are all equally considered as adventures by me.


On returning to my home, I was greeted by my brother, who took care of my pets for me. Opening the car door and stepping onto the sidewalk, I waved happily at Ben. Ben waved back and shouted, "Wow. You got really sunburned."
I did. But not where you can see it. 

I am a crispy brown color on my arms and shoulders (and face, except for my nose: my nose is a brown triangle with red undertones. Or overtones. Or maybe it will all peel off tomorrow. I don't know.)
My legs are only slightly brown-er than they were when I left, which was pretty pale. My stomach and upper thighs are still transparent and fishy looking. In the right light, you are able to see through my skin and bask in the blue glow of my veins. 
But the best shade of the fifty shades is a rectangle of red on my back. Not a complete rectangle - the place where y bathing suit top tied at mu neck is completely white, but the rest is a solid red block, courtesy of Montego Bay in Jamaica. Yesterday it started to peel off. It was pretty gross. Fernie amused himself by peeling off chunks like tape. They even sounded like tape when he did it. I don't think it was a good idea, because it's still itchy and I expect to lose several more layers, as if I received a complimentary microderm abrasion while sitting in the shallow water of the beach. 
The burn actually emanates heat. In the winter, I would be a valuable friend. I could keep you warm just by proximity to the burn. 
I wrote down lots of things to blog about. I had to charge my phone for the sole purpose of using the 'notes' section to record frantically spelled recollections of the day. Things like, "Cayman two rum punches" and "crack guy on barfy boat" will undoubtedly take shape as I begin to wrote about them. I can only hope so, because why go on vacation if you can't come back and blog about it sarcastically?
The next several days will document my trip. I don't know if you're interested to read it, as I know my lovely friend Lisa will be, or if you're bitter to read it, as I know my lovely friend Rachel will be. Either way, I will empathize with and welcome your comments: friendly or sourpuss. 
*I accidentally posted this at midnight last night, so I fixed it up and am re-posting! oops!Pin It

Guest blogger: Jenny from Luckeyfrog's Lilypad

I am hopefully returning from my cruise, safely. My hunny doesn't know how to swim, so it's possible that I dumped him off the side of the ship in a moment of frustration  - "But I WANT to go to the captain's party!" and am returning home alone.

But then, who would help me drive all the way back from Galveston? It is about 13 hours. Nah, I'd better bundle him up in floaties so he won't sink if I DO dump him off the ship.

Hey there! I'm Jenny from Luckeyfrog's Lilypad, a teacher checking out 3rd grade for the first time this year. It's only my 2nd year in my own classroom, after 2 years as an interventionist.

While I was an interventionist, I sometimes had to assess kids using DIBELS NWF (Nonsense Word Fluency). I always found it a little frustrating, because you teaching kids to think about what word makes sense as they decode... and then you give them a test of completely made-up words. If I had a dollar for everytime I heard a kid sound it out correctly, and then read it to me as a real word with similar sounds... well, I'd be eating at Olive Garden tonight.

Mmmm, breadsticks.

*ahem* Anyway.

Most teachers don't use nonsense words beyond 1st grade, and that makes sense. A kid doesn't need to sound out "kog"! But when kids know that the words aren't real, nonsense words can actually be a really fun teaching tool- even in the older grades.

In 2nd grade, I used nonsense words pretty often. I still used them to work on decoding, but it looked a little different in 2nd grade (which you can read about here).

The best way to use nonsense words, though?

CONTEXT CLUES!

So many times when I teach context clues, a few of my kids already know the word and don't really get the practice. Well, when you make up words, no one can know what it means already! (And, choosing words that are funny to say makes the kids a lot more engaged.)

You can combine it with some decoding practice, too.

I also like to use it to prepare kids for the times when they happen across a new proper noun. Teaching them to do their best to decode, and use context recognize what kind of proper noun it is (name of a character, name of a place, etc...) helps them persevere while reading. If I had a dollar for every time a kid just shut down when they got to a tough proper noun during a test, I'd probably be taking some pasta e fagioli home with me.

And breadsticks.

...Yes, I'm hungry. And, quite possibly, addicted to breadsticks.

A fun game to play with nonsense words is called "Scubba." My husband is an improv comedian, and this is actually a game his troupe performs onstage. I'm not near as clever as he is at coming up with things on the fly (although teachers do develop a *little* knack for that!), so I usually write them ahead.

You can use Scubba Stories to practice context clues, work with multiple meaning words, parts of speech, vocabulary words, and so much more. Best of all, they are silly and fun, and you can even challenge kids to be creative and write their own!

Here's what a Scubba Story might be like:

I went to Fazoli's last night, and I had the most delicious pizza for dinner! It was so scubba that it kept making these long strings from the pizza to my mouth. I got a little embarrassed, though- while we were in the restaurant, my dad started singing a love song to my mom! I guess it was sweet, but I thought it was a little scubba to sing the song from Lady and the Tramp while they were eating scubba baked spaghetti.

Okay... can you guess?

What word goes in place of "scubba"?


I've posted more about using nonsense words in the upper grades over at Luckeyfrog's Lilypad. Hop on over for a nonsense words freebie- and to see if you figured out the "scubba!"

Thanks, Chrissy, for letting me guest blog here today and reveal my love of Italian food! Hope you are having a BLAST on your cruise!

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Guest blogger: Jackie from Third Grade's a Charm

Ok, first of all, it's my birthday. Yes, I know. I am one year older and probably not any wiser. Happy Bird-day to me.

Second of all: school stuff.
You know how some groups of kids are lovely and make you want to go to work, excited with the idea of sharing new things with them? And some groupsof kids are terrifically naughty and make you want to drink copious amounts of adult beverages or hide in bed, pretending to be a blanket. That's the class I had this year: naughties. Some were nice, but most were naughty. So this guest post from Jackie at Third Grade's a Charm is right up my alley!

Hey Guys!  I'm Jackie from Third Grade's a Charm, and I'm so, so happy to be here guest blogging for Chrissy!  I'd love for you to come over and check out my blog, so consider this your personal invitation!

When I started teaching (and even before) I was probably most worried about classroom management.  I'm really a very soft-spoken person, and I wasn't sure how that would translate into a management style.  However, I've been really pleased (and even a little surprised) at how well that aspect of my teaching has gone.  My students' behavior is always one of the things I'm most proud of!  When I taught kindergarten, I saw parents and grandparents daily.  They could see with a glance how their child's day went (behavior wise), and I could easily communicate with them if I had any concerns!

In third grade, it wasn't that way.  We were in a different building, and that principal did not allow parents to come inside to wait for their children and pick them up.  It made ending the day a bit quicker, but it made communicating with parents and families harder.  Pros and cons, right?  So I had to come up with some sort of solution...and that's what I have to tell you about today!

I'm sure you've all seen the behavior clip charts all over the great blogs we follow.  The thing that I love most about the clip chart is that it isn't all about the negative!  Kids have a chance to move up with their good, responsible choices!  Of course there will be days when some of our kiddos make poor choices.  But you can allow them to turn that all around and move back up the chart if they begin making smarter decisions!  My biggest concern with using the clip chart was communicating with the kids' families.  How can I let them know about their child's day?

This was my solution - a behavior bookmark.  The front is printed with a table for the child to record his or her ending color for the day.  There is also a column for daily teacher initials and parent initials.  The back can be printed with a reminder of what each color represents.

A second option for using these bookmarks is to use them as a running record of students' behavior.  On Monday morning, after the parents have seen and initialed the bookmark from the previous week, hole punch the corner.  You can keep the weekly records on a binder ring for each student (or just for those with unique behavior concerns).  This could be useful for parent conferences if you have had ongoing behavior problems with any students.

I was in the market for a new clip chart to go with my new retro theme this year, so I created and uploaded a "Groovy Guys & Gals Behavior Clip Chart"  It has the clip chart signs, parent notes, good choices (and poor choices) notes, an absentee clip holder (to make attendance a little quicker in the morning too) and bookmarks.  So if you're in the market for a new "retro" clip chart head on over to my TN shop or my TPT store!

Thanks again for having me as a guest blogger, Chrissy!  And remember, you're all invited to my blog!  Stop by for a visit (and hopefully you'll stay)! :)

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