Saturday, May 7, 2016

Maintaining your tenuous grasp on sanity...the last six weeks.

You know it. I know it. We all know it. You're losing your mind.

It's not your fault. If one more kid sits through ten minutes of a lesson and then says, "But I don't have a pencil," you're going to climb up the wall. I'm already up there, waiting for you. 

To help you maintain your tenuous grasp on your sanity (and your teaching certificate), I've compiled a brief list of helpful tips. Ignore them at your own risk.

 
 
1.  Cut a hole in the bottom of your "Turn In Basket" for assignments. Place the turn in basket on top of the trash can. Grading = done!
 
2. Have each student create an award for another student in the class. Tell them to keep it top secret (this reduces chatter). Awards = done!
 
3. Go through your files and pull out all of your big projects - the ones that take nine weeks that you'll try to cram into six weeks and require four trips to Hobby Lobby for pipe cleaners, tulle, and craft scissors, and coordinating with the librarian, computer lab, and art teacher - and throw them away. Play BINGO every day instead. Planning = done!
 
 
4. Second investment: a large treasure box full of the most disgusting snacks. This includes Hot Cheetos, Fun Dip, and Sour Patch Kids. Explain to students that they will receive one treat each day, as long as they don't break the one rule. This rule is: Figure it out yourself and leave me alone. 

At the end of the day, every child who has solved their own problems without disturbing you in any way will receive their choice of one disgusting treat. Hand it to them on their way out the door. They will eat it on the way home and the parents will have to deal with their Cheeto fingers. Not my problem. 

Any child who has not solved their own problems will receive a dirty look. Behavior = managed!
 
5.  Prep your meals on Sunday. Lay out five tupperware containers for your lunches. In each tupperware, place: 1 bag of popcorn, 1 Hershey bar, and one of those mini bottles of wine. I recently discovered these, and they are the perfect size for a teacher's lunchbox! Lunch - ready!
 
6. Invest in a wine company. Then buy at least four cases of wine. At a bottle a day, that leaves you six bottles left over - one to double up each Monday. This might be enough. Teacher = happy!

If this doesn't help you stay sane, call in sick and send someone else in as tribute.

Happy Teaching!
 
Pin It

1 comment:

  1. Ha ha! This cracked me up! I solved those end of the year problems by retiring, but I like these solutions for those still working!

    Krazy Town

    ReplyDelete