You know the drill. It's December 31 and I can see the end of my winter break looming ever closer.
Without the structure of a school day, I've basically been a misshapen lump growing out of my couch. Like Homer, I've worn butt-grooves into the cushion. No one else will be comfortable on that couch ever again; I have claimed it.
There are many ugly truths about how I have squandered my time this winter break. Here are ten of them.
10. I have eaten cookies instead of dinner on three different occasions. I didn't set out to eat cookies instead of dinner. It just happened. I started eating cookies at about, oh, three-thirty, and continued eating them until about seven, at which point I realized three things: It was seven, I'd been eating cookies for three and a half hours, and I was no longer hungry for anything of value. So I ate a few more cookies and called it a night.
9. I spent an obscene amount at after-Christmas sales. This one is kind of a secret (that I'm not sharing with the world via blogland). After Christmas, I buy a TON of gifts for throughout the year and for, yes, next Christmas. I have a special closet I keep the gifts in, and a list with everyone I love and what I've already bought for them. This year, I bought a LOT of gifts after Christmas... and a few decorations (read: fifty decorations).
8. The hour I want to open a bottle of wine has crept forward, to the point that now, at 2:30, I'm thinking... "Well, it's closer to five pm than eight am, right?"
7. I don't think I've actually had any water to drink since two days before Christmas. My beverage list is as follows: hot chocolate, coffee, wine, hot tea, a delicious sweet concoction called Rumchata, Butterscotch Schnapps, and Irish Cream.
6. I'm not sure how many hours I've spent staring at my cat and thinking about how much I'd like to be one. Cats don't go to work. Cats go where they want. Cats get attention when they want it, and they don't when they don't. Cats have it all.
5. I have watched absolute garbage on TV. You won't believe me if I tell you, but let's just say it included the epitome of awful Christmas specials: A Very Brady Christmas. Yes, I went there.
4. If I made even one out of every ten Tasty videos I've watched, I could open a restaurant. I am absolutely addicted to those short, action-packed recipe videos. Everything looks incredible: Garlic Parmesan Potato Wedges? Yum! Cinnamon Roll Cupcakes? Oh, yes! Nutella Cream Cheese Turnovers? I'll take two!
I dare you to watch that without drooling.
3. I haven't shaved my legs in a week and a half. I look more like Chewy than Leia.
2. I only wear shoes when I leave the house, which means 90% of this break, I've worn fuzzy slipper socks. My floors are spotless...unlike the rest of the house.
1. I am absolutely positive my pants no longer fit, but I am also too afraid to try them on. This is all I have to say about that.