Thursday, July 26, 2012

First Day Jitters!

I have spent the last several weeks on the seesaw of guilt. That's what Fernie calls it. One minute I'm perfectly happy and excited about next year, and the next, I swing into the different direction. I'm guilty and terrified.

Why?

I'm leaving my school. My beloved school. I wouldn't do this for just any job. I was offered a literacy lead position, working for an excellent administrator (just about the only one I would work for, aside from the one I'm already working for!) and doing exactly what I love to do: working with struggling kids, and working with grade 3-5 teachers in reading and writing.

It's a dream job in a struggling school. I had to take it, right? I'm incredibly excited to provide training and planning support to teachers in a new campus and to learn a new position.

But I still feel guilty. These are the the things I feel guilty about:
1. I had to leave my kids. My babies were a lot of work and I had some kids who really struggled in school and hadn't had the best school experiences. I was supposed to loop up with them, but now I can't. I feel absolutely terrible about this, even though I know they are in good hands with my colleagues.

2. I have to leave my colleagues. I love these people. I've worked with them for a long time and we know each other well enough to help each other through difficult times. We are not only colleagues; we are friends outside of work as well. 

3. I have to leave my administrator. I have been blessed to work for someone who trusts me to make the decisions I need to make and supports me in everything I do. Those are rare.
As you can see, all my guilt stems from being the abandon-er in this situation.

So, to help me deal with my guilt and anxiety, I decided to link up with the blog hop at Fierce in Fourth (which is what I would have been next year if I stayed at my school.) for their First Day Jitters bBog Hop.



So Fierce in Fourth has asked us to write about three worries- three things we are jittery about. That should be easy. I may actually have to cut the list down.

1. I'm going to be out of the classroom. I've been a classroom teacher for nine years, and I love my job. 
I'm nervous because I'll be occupying my time very differently and I hope I'm prepared for that. I think I'm really going to miss having kids.  I'm also afraid about not having kids because I won't have a class of my own to try things out. I'm worried that I'm going to be out of practice with kids. It seems very common that people out of the classroom lose a sense of what's reasonable for kids at different levels. I hope that doesn't happen. I'm also not going to be teaching math or science anymore. I don't think I'll miss science much, but I do enjoy teaching math. 


2. I'll be at a new school. I won't know anyone. I'll eat lunch all by myself. I'm certain that I'll never make any friends. I know I sound like a child now, but I don't care. lol.

3. I've never done this job before. I've worked with teachers and trained in reading and writing, but I've never been a campus lead before. That's terrifying.

So basically, I'm nuts. I know it will be all right in the long run, but anything can set off the seesaw of guilt and send me shooting up into the guilty stratosphere.  Just know that I'm going to be running things by you, lovely anonymous readers, before I run them by my teachers so I can get the blog stamp of approval!




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9 comments:

  1. I too have a fear that l won't be able to make friends in my new school. Good to know I'm not the only "crazy" one. You will do great in this new position. It is clear that you are passionate about it!

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  2. You are a great person and a great teacher. You will make new friends. You are still helping kids but now through their teachers. Good Luck!!

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  3. I know just how you feel about leaving your kids - since I teach first and second grade, no matter when I leave I will leave some kids that I already know and love. I am REALLY not looking forward to that day, whenever it comes.

    But you are so funny and smart! You will do a great job at your new school!!

    Marvelous Multiagers!

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  4. Thanks for stopping by my blog! I'm a new follower!

    Shanyn
    Coffee, Kids and Compulsive Lists

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  5. Good luck! Exciting times : ) I know it's daunting and brings out the nerves, but you'll do great!

    Kelli
    Tales From a Traveling Teacher

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  6. You'll be great! You'll just have a lot more kids to love!

    Margaret
    Kinder Journey

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  7. I could have written this exact post! I am moving into a similar role and have all the same feelings as you. I have no clue what I'm doing and often think, did I do the right thing! Good Luck in your new position.

    Twins, Teaching and Tacos

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  8. Moving to a new school and new position can be difficult, but also refreshing. Take each day in stride and you'll do fine :) I found you through the Jitters linky. I'm a newbie blogger and your newest follower. I'd be thrilled to have you hop on over and check out my blog when you get a chance.
    Tammy
    groovyin3rd.blogspot.com

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