Saturday, July 21, 2012

A Magical Day: Movie Review

Yesterday I joined my friends for a special, magical day. A time of bonding. Of sharing what it means to be a woman. Of drooling over Channing Tatum dressed in various inappropriate costumes.

Yes, we went to see Magic Mike.



If you're a regular reader, you may recall that I am not much of a swoon-er. I'm not big on celebrities. They're not real people. They don't know about me or care about me or make me tacos for dinner. So who cares about them?

But Channing Tatum is different. I learned this when I went to see 21 Jump Street and wrote about it here. It's a short post. All it really says is, "Wow. Channing Tatum is pretty."

So when my friends requested that we all go see Magic Mike, even though I knew it wouldn't have much of a plot and the writing couldn't possibly be superior to some of the stuff my fourth graders churn out (or watch on shows like the Suite Life of Zach and Cody), I decided it was something I should participate in. Because Channing Tatum is hot stuff.

So my girlfriends and I got together to have our minds blown by the literary masterpiece that was sure to be Magic Mike. I mean come one -there's alliteration in the title! What else could you ask for?

Lisa, Missy, Denise, and I (Chrissy - thus completing the list of very stripper-ish names) met at the theater. These girls make up about half our our book club. This book club isn't what book clubs are meant to be. The last book we 'read' was this one.

I read it. Laura read it. Judy read it.
I think that's it.
Lisa started it and then gave up, saying, "I can tell something awful is gonna happen, so I'm going to pretend that I read it."

Denise had read it before. She reread it and said, "I forgot how sad it was. Why did we choose this book?"
She's the one who chose it.

Missy my have forgotten we were reading a book at all.

So we're not exactly dealing with exacting tastes here.

We walked into the theater and found seats immediately. Lisa said, "Lots of empty spaces. Look," she gestured toward the only pair of young ladies already seated. "More Bad Girls. Like us. Here to drool over hot men."

Let's get real, here. That's the only reason to go. Slowly, the theater filled up about halfway with bad girls. Lisa began to sing, "Bad girls. Talking bout the sad girls. Toot - toot. Yeah."
I chimed in. "Beep beep!"

We were bad girls. As bad as you can be while munching on butter drenched popcorn, sitting in a public place.

The movie started. Channing Tatum ran around doing hot things. He started dancing in ways that I have never seen men dance. I leaned over to Lisa and said, "Wow. He's a really good dancer."I sat back and drooled.
Minutes later, Lisa leaned over to me and said, "Close your mouth," as she took her hand and raised my lower jaw from where it had dropped several minutes before.




Don't judge. It was pretty impressive. He's like a pretty angel dancing man with a sense of humor.

And then he put on glasses. Oh, my goodness. Glasses? Are they trying to kill me?! So now he's a pretty angel dancing man with a sense of humor and he reads? Because that's the inference I make from glasses. He reads.

At one point, I heard Missy giggle, "I just want to brush his hair."

From what I remember very foggily, Magic Mike consisted of two types of scenes.

1. Scenes where Channing Tatum retains his pants.

These seemed to include things like a beach party, a girl, and lots of money. I don't really remember a lot of these scenes. They were great, though, because they were spread throughout the movie, and provided frequent bathroom breaks. 

2. Scenes where Channing Tatum removes his pants.

These included things like gyrating, thrusting, and what Matthew McConaughey called "sticking it". Fortunately, these made up most of the movie (I think) and were highly enjoyable. We giggled through them all because it's not possible to take such sexy sexiness seriously. None of us knows any men like that.

Once a scene started out as #1, and I thought maybe it had the chance to become #2, but it didn't. Boo.

Guess which kind of scene this was.

In case you won't see this movie because 
1. you feel guilty, 
2. your hunny won't let you, or 
3. you don't have bad girl friends to go with and make you feel less ashamed about it, 

I will summarize it for you.

Channing Tatum is hot. Then he meets some girls who notice how hot he is. Then he goes and dances in a raincoat and then he dances out of a raincoat. When he's done, some other guys dance in and out of raincoats. After that, some boring stuff happens involving non-strippers, and then Channing Tatum dances in a hip-hop outfit. Then some non-stripping events happened and then Channing Tatum danced in an army uniform. Then he danced out of it, and after that he cried a little and then he stopped. 

I could probably edit this film down to 22 minutes of awesomeness if we just took out all of the waste-of-time non-stripper stuff.

I only had one complaint. The movie ends suddenly (I thought). You still think you have another opportunity to see Channing take his clothes off or at least dance around like he might take his clothes off. But you don't. So I suggest running a ticker across the bottom of the screen during the last stripping scene. It should read, "THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE. HE WILL NOT DO THIS AGAIN. DON'T BLINK."

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12 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. O my goodness...you took the words out of my mouth! I got so excited that I made a few typos and had to try again. I especially love the part about the ticker warning you that this will be the last time you see him. I was just blog stalking and I came across your blog. I love the way you think! I am your newest follower. Thanks for making me smile!

    Christine
    Tales From Rm 17!

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  3. Okay, I think from reading your review tatum channing rocked the stage. I enjoyed your review.

    Jill
    Bubbalulu.blogspot.com

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  4. You hit it right on the nose! I went with all my sisters, mom, and niece and we alllll said the same thing....movie was terrible, worth every penny!He. looked. good.

    Natalie
    Teachery Tidbits

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  5. LOL! Your summary of the movie was so spot on! I got all depressed by the non-stripper parts that then I wasn't able to enjoy the fun stuff!!
    Julie
    Light A Fire in Third

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  6. great summary!!!! You are so funny! I loved Channing Tatum's dancing in the movie too!! The plot was lost and I didn't like the drugs, but I heart Channing!

    Kelli
    Tales From a Traveling Teacher

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  7. Hahaha- you crack me up. Haven't seen the movie (and, honestly, Channing Tatum doesn't do that much for me? He IS a great dancer, though- I know that from Step Up) but you make me laugh! :)

    I think he used to be a model. That's why he's so 'pretty'!

    Jenny
    Luckeyfrog' Lilypad

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  8. Hahaha! Hilarious! I still haven't seen this movie and it just feel criminal. MUST GO SOON! I'm pretty sure it is a must on the big screen. Tatum danced his way into my heart back in Step Up. Loved it! 21 Jump Street was really good too!

    Amanda
    The Teaching Thief

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  9. Thank you for such a good laugh this morning! Your Magic Mike summary was too good!!!! Yes, I went to see it too with a big group of teacher friends! Channing is HOT HOT HOT...that's how we raise them down here in the south!!!


    Newest Follower,
    Nicole
    Lanier's Kindergarten Lions

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  10. It sounds like we had a very similar time while checking out Magic Mike. I did not realize how riled up the crowd was going to get! I made the bad move of attending the movie with a few coworkers or else I would’ve been dancing around and making it rain dollar bills with the rest of the ladies! I just didn’t want to give my coworkers anything to talk about around the office at Dish the next day. LOL! I can certainly agree with you that my only complaint would be too few Tatum strip scenes; that is why I can’t wait for Magic Mike to come out on DVD, just so I can rewind and pretend that there are a whole lot more! At least my wait shouldn’t be too long since I have the Blockbuster@Home service through my Dish account that delivers all the newest movies to me right when they are available! I better get some crisp dollar bills ready now!

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  11. There also should have been a ticker that said, "Do not worry. Matt M. WILL be removing his clothes eventually. Also, he is not gay despite the yellow half-shirt. Your patience will be rewarded." I went with an older teacher friend and she said, "What kind of movie did you bring me to?!" and "Oh my..." at several parts. =)

    Emily @ Second Grade Silliness 

    ReplyDelete