Blogging Therapy
Part I:Wow. Can you say rough day?
To summarize, these are the reasons this year has been rough.*new grade level for me*kids far below grade level (not all, just half)*parents who don't care (not all, just half)*new state test: Texas. We stink.
I love teaching, and/but I have some serious ethical concerns about the profession and the politics. I don't have kids of my own, so I tend to overdedicate myself to my kids. I have that luxury now, being without little people of my own to worry about.
But I think because these kids are littler than the ones I'm used to, I feel even more maternal than usual. So this is the rundown:
6:30 Tuesday night - conversation with boyfriend during which he told me to stop judging my own teaching so negatively.
7:30 - Tuesday night - conversation with friend (and colleague) during which she told me to stop judging my own teaching so negatively.
9:00 Tuesday night - decision made to stop judging my own teaching negatively.
10:30 Tuesday night - blissful sleep
7:15 Wednesday morning - conversation with self on my way to work. "Be more positive. Celebrate successes. Don't beat yourself up because they're so far behind. Just work with them." I almost had myself convinced.
7:45 Wednesday morning - don't want to get into the details, but let's say a parent questioned me on something they had no legitimate reason to question.
I lost it.
By this, I mean I did something I have never done.I cried about work at work.
It's not that I've never received a snotty note from a parent. It happens. But in this case, because of the extensive circumstances, my immediate reaction was, "HOW DARE YOU?!"
I went into my principal's office. He is a man. He doesn't know what to do when ladies cry.I recently read a study that lady tears actually do something to a man subconsciously. And that thing they do is... it confuses them and turns them off. Ew. Anyway, now you know how to confuse and turn off a man.
I cried. A lot. I didn't do it on purpose. Believe me; if I could've stopped, I would've. I don't like being pathetic at work. It doesn't usually happen. It probably did not help (who am I kidding: it is a major part of the problem) that TOM, to quote Kristen, is about to visit.
He told me a few things. One of the things he told me was to stop beating myself up. Another thing was to do what I can, keep working hard, but not to make myself sick.Another thing was to take tomorrow off.
I know.
He said, "Do not come to work tomorrow. If you come to work tomorrow, I will send you home."
Ok.
So I have a sub tomorrow. I still have to go by work to take the kids' Easter eggs, though.
I have to.
I still have immense amounts of guilt about today. And tomorrow. And this year.
Question: Do you have immense amounts of guilt about your teaching? Is that normal? Or am I a sicko who is only harming myself?
Part II of my post: the pros and cons of box wine.
I am not a wine snob. If it's wine, I will drink it. I don't know if that makes me alcoholic, but I don't think so. Dr. Drew said it's the consequences that make you an alcoholic. My only consequence is to giggle a little more and be a little sleepy. So I'm good.
Anyway, I recently bought a box o'wine. I used to drink it all the time, but then I graduated to Oak Leaf. (Get it at Wal-Mart for 2.97 a bottle). Then Beringer or some other White Zinfandel that comes in the double sized bottle.
But the last purchase was a box. It's so much cheaper. That's a pro.Another pro: It's big.
But the con, and the one I'm dealing with right now is you don't know how much is left in there.
I wanted to get sloshed. Or at least pleasantly buzzy.But I'm out o'wine. Boo.
Anyway, want to fund my wine indulgence? Kidding. I'm saving for a new car, among other things.
Check out my TPT store - I'm having a 15% sale on EVERYTHING because of Easter. :)
Also, check out my guest blog post at Teachery Tidbits. Natalie's in Japan (a-mazing) and I blogged for her yesterday. But guess what - I'm dumb. I put my blog image for a link-back...but not a link! Dur.
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Sorry you had a cruddy day! I had a parent earlier this year do something similar, but she went to the principal with her rant. Thankfully I have a female principal who "gets it", and she called me in to the meeting (which made the parent visibly uncomfortable) and proceeded to ask her to restate why she was there. It wasn't so easy for her to put me down, when i'm there to set her straight!! Needless to say, when she realized that she wasn't getting me in trouble, her attitude changed. Hopefully your angry parent will also see the light!! :)
ReplyDeleteP.S. Miraculously this parent now loves me!! WHAT???
P.S.S. I beat myself up daily too--especially with all the legislation our wonderful governor in Louisiana is steamrolling into law. I think it's a normal thing. It means we care deeply about our students. Unfortunately, it's who we are--it's probably not going to change. :)
Props to your principal for taking care of you! Enjoy your day tomorrow!
Sending you some virtual loving (((((Chrissy))))
ReplyDeleteHope tomorrow is a good re-coop/re-energize day for you!
Journey of a Substitute Teacher
Just a lurker who wanted to say you are SO not alone! Teacher guilt is a TERRIBLE feeling! You are awesome and creative and your kids are really lucky to have you this year.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! Your kind words really helped. And, I love your profile picture :)
DeleteBuzzing with Ms. B
I definitely know how you feel! Today (and many days) can be really hard! I think I remember a few tears today...I might be wrong, but I think I might have lost it at work too! On my way home I was thinking the same thing...I tend to get over emotionally involved since I don't have kids of my own...and tend to beat myself up too...keep remembering all the hard work you're putting in! How much more can you really do? There are only so many hours in the day, and some need to be spent with the novio, right?
ReplyDeleteWine can be a good therapy every now and again!
Laura
Mrs. Castro's Class 2nd Grade...Spanglish Style
UGH. I feel ya girl. I, too, don't have any children of my own, and sometimes I feel like I get overly invested. Especially when a lot of my kids don't have the best role models, I feel like I'm all that they have. But, no matter how hard you work, you always think that you can do more! Just remember, you are human, and you are doing EVERYTHING you can! Keep your head up! =)
ReplyDeleteMeg
Third Grade in the First State
Oh, Chrissy, I'm sending you a big hug and a bottle of wine immediately.
ReplyDeleteI have cried at work before, too. In front of my male assistant principal. I was also told not to come back to work in the morning. (this was more related to my heart condition but ALSO because of parents so it semi-relates) I understand. And the reason you are hard on yourself is because you are a great teacher. The great teachers beat themselves up because they want to be greater. The teachers who don't care, don't care. It comes with the territory. I get it.
Please enjoy your day tomorrow. Enjoy it. Really try.
Did you get the wine yet? Someone should be knocking at your door . . .
What a bummer day! That has also happened to me before...except for when I cried in front of my principal, and was in the middle of a sentence, he decided to ANSWER HIS CELL PHONE! No joke. I immediately lost all respect for him and just walked out.
ReplyDeleteParents can be cruel. I'm sure that you are an AMAZING teacher, and you shouldn't beat yourself up. Keep your head up :)
What are your thoughts about pineapple wine? I think I have a little treat for you :)
Natalie
TeacheryTidbits
Enjoy your day! I agree with the comments above that the good teachers are the ones that beat themselves up the most. I had a parent earlier this year who emailed me awful emails and contacted my principal about things but as soon as I tried to deal with what she was saying she would say she wasn't all that worried about it. So weird. Remember to take care of yourself. Props to your principal for recognizing that. It's hard to remember that you have to recharge every once in a while so you can keep giving. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteUgh, I want to give you a hug and some chocolate! Sometimes there's going to be a straw that breaks the camel's back, and parents who just don't get it are pretty good at filling that role. I am so like you in that, right now, my class are my 'kids' and I put in way more than maybe I should, but I just feel like I have to. I am so glad your principal understood enough to tell you to take a day off, and I hope you can enjoy it. If you can, just take a break, but if you're like me, the thing that will actually help is catching up on some school stuff, so if that's you- go for it and feel better.
ReplyDeleteSending some love- let me know if you need to vent and I am all ears!
Jenny
Luckeyfrog's Lilypad
Oh Chrissy, girlfriend, come sit by me and we can be new best friends. For real.
ReplyDeleteI cried at work my second year teaching. To our assistant principal. Who was a man. He didn't know what to do either. Fortunately, he's at at a new school now so there are no longer any witnesses. I didn't get a day off out of it though, so you must do it better than me. ;)
I have a thirty minute commute. I allow only those 30 minutes on the way home to beat myself up (and occasionally a few in bed each night until my husband tells me to snap out of it). Try to ask yourself what's valid and what's just crazy and do your best with the valid points while letting the crazy ones go. You're a great teacher. Third grade from fourth is a hard transition (I did it), and Texas politics can kiss your booty (Indiana too, just for me!).
They should make windows in box wine. If you feel like coming to Indiana, your next one is on me.
Christi ツ
Ms. Fultz’s Corner
Hey Chrissy,
ReplyDeleteI hope you're feeling better today. Like everyone has said, it's that "good teacher syndrome". Your students (and parents) are very lucky to have such a dedicated teacher. Continue focusing on the positives and vent with your fellow coworkers and of course us.
-tania
Live, Love, Laugh in 2nd Grade
My TPT Store
Oh Chrissy, I have felt this way many times before.
ReplyDeleteThe guilt is so difficult to overcome sometimes. But like Kristin said, it's because you care so much...
I've cried at school before too. After I returned to my classroom (!), I started crying in front of the kids, and I had to pretend I was looking for something in the closet.
Here's the best part: Word traveled to the middle school (from my sixth graders) and a bunch of middle school kids showed up a week later! I was never sure if they were there to cheer me up or to take on... someone!
I am sending you big hugs and hopeful thoughts...
Your Bloggy Cheerleaders are here for you!
Kim
Finding JOY in 6th Grade
I am a little late to this party.... but I think you are awesome!!
ReplyDeleteI am a super optimist but I have a lot of guilt also, especially now that it's the of the year. I feel like maybe my kids are behind where they are supposed to be but I have no idea because I am the only 1st and 2nd grade teacher!! It really stresses me out but I try not to think about it and just do my best...
Anyway, you are the bomb dot com.
Marvelous Multiagers!
I just wanted to encourage you, too. Yes, I do feel guilty about not doing everything I think I need to and taking the very rare sick day. We wouldn't be good teachers if we didn't care.
ReplyDeleteHang in there!
Artistry of Education