To summarize, these are the reasons this year has been rough.
*new grade level for me
*kids far below grade level (not all, just half)
*parents who don't care (not all, just half)
*new state test: Texas. We stink.
I love teaching, and/but I have some serious ethical concerns about the profession and the politics. I don't have kids of my own, so I tend to overdedicate myself to my kids. I have that luxury now, being without little people of my own to worry about.
But I think because these kids are littler than the ones I'm used to, I feel even more maternal than usual. So this is the rundown:
6:30 Tuesday night - conversation with boyfriend during which he told me to stop judging my own teaching so negatively.
7:30 - Tuesday night - conversation with friend (and colleague) during which she told me to stop judging my own teaching so negatively.
9:00 Tuesday night - decision made to stop judging my own teaching negatively.
10:30 Tuesday night - blissful sleep
7:15 Wednesday morning - conversation with self on my way to work. "Be more positive. Celebrate successes. Don't beat yourself up because they're so far behind. Just work with them." I almost had myself convinced.
7:45 Wednesday morning - don't want to get into the details, but let's say a parent questioned me on something they had no legitimate reason to question.
I lost it.
By this, I mean I did something I have never done.
I cried about work at work.
It's not that I've never received a snotty note from a parent. It happens. But in this case, because of the extensive circumstances, my immediate reaction was, "HOW DARE YOU?!"
I went into my principal's office. He is a man. He doesn't know what to do when ladies cry.
I recently read a study that lady tears actually do something to a man subconsciously. And that thing they do is... it confuses them and turns them off. Ew. Anyway, now you know how to confuse and turn off a man.
I cried. A lot. I didn't do it on purpose. Believe me; if I could've stopped, I would've. I don't like being pathetic at work. It doesn't usually happen. It probably did not help (who am I kidding: it is a major part of the problem) that TOM, to quote Kristen, is about to visit.
He told me a few things. One of the things he told me was to stop beating myself up.
Another thing was to do what I can, keep working hard, but not to make myself sick.
Another thing was to take tomorrow off.
He said, "Do not come to work tomorrow. If you come to work tomorrow, I will send you home."
So I have a sub tomorrow. I still have to go by work to take the kids' Easter eggs, though.
I have to.
I still have immense amounts of guilt about today. And tomorrow. And this year.
Question: Do you have immense amounts of guilt about your teaching? Is that normal? Or am I a sicko who is only harming myself?
Part II of my post: the pros and cons of box wine.
I am not a wine snob. If it's wine, I will drink it. I don't know if that makes me alcoholic, but I don't think so. Dr. Drew said it's the consequences that make you an alcoholic. My only consequence is to giggle a little more and be a little sleepy. So I'm good.
Anyway, I recently bought a box o'wine. I used to drink it all the time, but then I graduated to Oak Leaf. (Get it at Wal-Mart for 2.97 a bottle). Then Beringer or some other White Zinfandel that comes in the double sized bottle.
But the last purchase was a box. It's so much cheaper. That's a pro.
Another pro: It's big.
But the con, and the one I'm dealing with right now is
you don't know how much is left in there.
I wanted to get sloshed. Or at least pleasantly buzzy.
But I'm out o'wine.
Anyway, want to fund my wine indulgence?
Kidding. I'm saving for a new car, among other things.
Also, check out my guest blog post at Teachery Tidbits. Natalie's in Japan (a-mazing) and I blogged for her yesterday. But guess what - I'm dumb. I put my blog image for a link-back...but not a link! Dur.