Monday, June 13, 2016

Melisandre Monday, S6, ep. 8: No One

I'm on time with this one. Must be summertime!
Arya & THE WAIF!
This episode made me soooo anxious. I basically spent this entire episode thinking that every person on screen was the Waif. The actress gives Arya milk of the poppy. It's the Waif! Arya goes to sleep. She's the Waif! A guy shows up at Lady Crane's door. It's the Waif! AND IT WAS THE WAIF! So Lady Crane's dead - that's too bad - and Arya is running for her life.

She is surprisingly agile, given her stomach that must look like swiss cheese...or like Jon Snow's stomach... and she dashes through the entire city. The Waif follows her with a Terminator-like glare. (I promise I came up with that on my own, before I read that everyone and their Grandma also came up with the same comparison.) Arya drags her hole-punched body into a dark corner of the city and pulls Needle out from under a blanket. The Waif thinks it's curtains for Arya, until Arya slashes out the little candle and uses her Daredevil powers, acquired early on in this season, to de-face the Waif and stick her on the Hall of Faces. Woohoo! 

And then Jaqen thinks she's No One but she's not. She's Arya Stark of House Winterfell! YEAH! And then she decides to go home. Good for her. Even Jaq'en has to give her a little nod of props.

Cersei & Tommen
THE MOUNTAIN RIPPED SOMEBODY'S HEAD OFF! And Cersei was like, "Yup. I told you so."
Does she only have the one gown now? I think she's been wearing the same thing for this whole season! I guess the High Septon stripped her of all fashion sense. And then Tommen says, "No trial by combat!" and Cersie gives him a dirty look of disappointment, one only a mother could give, and Tommen avoids eye contact all the way out of the hall. Not looking at mom. Not looking at mom.



Tyrion & Co.
So Tyrion, Messandei, and Grayworm are all hanging out and Tyrion is peer-pressuring them into drinking.  They actually loosen up for about two seconds and of course all sorts of trouble breaks loose in Meereen. The slavers are back and they want their slaves! So Messandei and Grayworm undoubtedly learn that fun=bad and they are never to let their guard down again. 
And then Danaeris pops up to...save the day? With her billions of Dothraki, I guess?

Can I just say that I really like Tyrion's beard?

The Hound & the Brotherhood
Seriously, the Hound is totally cracking me up! I love his delivery! It's like now that he's accepted his life, he's a happier Hound...sort of... and he's just lighter. I love every scene with him in it, and I really do hope that the predicted Clegane Bowl will happen, despite the obvious hurdle of the no trial by combat thing. Thanks a lot, Tommen. I was all ready for the Hound to bash the Mountain.
This made me a little sad:


Brienne & Jaime
Brienne sees Jaime in the distance, gallantly astride his horse. Why does she tell Jaime everything? She's so idealistic sometimes. When she says, "Honor compels me to fight for Sansa's kin. To fight you," you can see Jaime gulp. He knows he couldn't take Brienne on his best day. Brienne tries not to cry and then she runs off. 

Jaime gives Edmure a speech about how terrible he (Jaime) is and how he'll stop at nothing to get back to Cersei. Once he takes back the castle, he sees Brienne paddling down the river to leave Riverrun. Everybody gets all choked up and he waves to her and she waves back to say, "Yes, dude, we're still friends." 

So you know that's gonna get ugly.

I'm really stressing about Brienne v. Jaime. It's gonna rip everyone's heartstrings. Let's face it: there are two outcomes. Brienne kills Jaime, because it's the "honorable" thing to do and lives with the knowledge she killed her friend for the rest of her life. Or Jaime kills Brienne, because Cersei makes him, and is completely embittered. Either way, dark days are coming for these two.

To celebrate the Rains of Castamere playing ominously as Jaime led his men into Riverrun, here is a meme. 





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Wednesday, June 1, 2016

White Walker Wednesday? Game of Thrones episode six

 
I am beat, people. This is our next-to-last week of school, and you know what that's like.



Meera & Bran
So Meera's dragging Bran around in th emiddle of a snowy forest and Bran is absolutely useless. He's having all of these visions: the Mad King, dragons over King's Landing, falling from the tower, the White Walkers, Hardhome, and more. And all of a sudden his eyes blink back and he tells Meera that they've been found by the wights. Meera loses it because she feels guilty (as if she hasn't already done everything for this guy) when a dude with a fireball on a chain comes in and saves the day.

Can I just say that this fireball reminds me of the incense burner the priest uses during Holy Week? Except they're usually not on fire.

So big shock, it's Uncle Benjen! And he serves Bran up a nice, tasty mug of rabbit blood. Just like home cooking. Apparently Uncle Benjen was saved from becoming a wight by the same thing that turns men into White Walkers, which is interesting.

Sam & Gilly
Sam & Gilly are traveling to Sam's horrible home and Sam's giving Gilly the guided tour, including the various tree species available in the region and the fact that autumn is coming. Here's the plan: Gilly has one job. Lie to Lord Tarly about everything. 

We meet Sam's mom and sister, who are charming and sweet, and they sweep Gilly out of her wildling rags in an episode of What Not to Wear, Westerosi edition. And apparently Sam's sister's name is Talla. Talla Tarly. That's unfortunate. 
Gilly clomps with Sam of the neatly brushed hair to dinner and endures the worst evening of her life, probably, which is saying something considering she married her own dad... or grandad... or something. 
Sam talks about things north of the wall, trying to sound interesting, but fails when he explains that the most interesting thing he hunts is squirrels. Gilly tries to stand up for him but lets it slip that she came from north of the wall while Sam rocks back and forth on his seat in misery. So the jig is up. 
Just when you think Sam is going to leave Gilly and run away to Oldtown, he takes Gilly, the baby, and even the family sword. Way to stick it to him, Sam! But now where will he go? The Citadel is a lady-free spot.

Tommen & the High Sparrow
Ol' No-Shoes has managed to warp Tommen's brain but I'm not sure how this works exactly. Marjorie and Tommen play a game of 20 questions, trying to figure out what the other thinks about the High Sparrow before they say it. Tommen says, "He's a lot more..." and Marjorie says, "He is!" That's deep.

So Marjorie's got some sort of game going here, but I don't know what it is. When Jaime gallantly rides up the stairs on his beautiful white horse (the heavily plumed Mace Tyrell having just finished his very ineffective speech, perched precariously on his own horse in the background), you know swooned, ladies! But it was all for nought. Marjorie sold Tommen for her freedom, sans "SHAME" walk. I'm curious to see what the end game is there.
Arya & the Waif
 Possibly the most exciting part of this episode was Arya's. She watched the play, laughed at all the wrong places, and catches the understudy coveting Lady Crane's role. Arya poisons the rum, but Lady Crane notices her and tells her about her own story - similar to Arya's in a lot of ways - and so at the last possible second, smacks it out of her hand and tells her to keep an eye on the other actress, who clearly wanted her dead. 

So now the Waif wants Arya dead,1 or anyway she always wanted her dead, but now Jaq'en said okey dokey. Is it just me, or does it seem like the Waif knew Arya from the past? At least Arya has needle again, and we can all refer to her as Arya and not as "a girl." Yay! I can't wait to see what she does, where she goes, and how she can possibly survive, when every time she fought the Waif, she ended up flat on her back!

Have some fun. Take this quiz. I got Danaerys Stormborn... I guess there's probably more to that then I want to admit.



 
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Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Tyrion Tuesday? Game of Thrones Episode Five

Ok, so sue me. I didn't blog about episode four. See, I didn't think anyone was really reading the posts! So I stopped writing them. And I guess that was lame and it broke blog rule #1: Write even though no one reads it. So I'm writing about episode five.
I'm going to keep it simple. This is what I have to say:
WAAAAAAAHHHHHHH BOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO SOB SOB SOB SOB SOB SNIFFLE SNIFFLE SNORT SOB BOOHOO WAAAAAAHHHHH!

That's about it, really. 
Ok, down to the nitty gritty.  

Petyr & Sansa
There were about three minutes where I actually felt sorry for Petyr Balish. That's it, though. Once he started up with his, "half brother," nonsense, I struck him off the list again. Who does he think he is to give advice to Sansa about being wary of someone? Seriously?!

Tormund & Brienne: A Love Story
Please tell me you love it when Tormund makes eyes at Brienne? I do. It cracks me up every time. He's so goofy, and actually a pretty decent guy. Where will this go? I think he'll wear her down with his wildling charm eventually.


A photo posted by InstaThrones (@gameofthronesnotofficial) on

I like the way Brienne talked about Jon Snow, too. "A bit brooding, but I suppose it's understandable under the circumstances." Yes, Brienne. WE LIKE HIM BROODING!  

Yara & Theon
And then there's a pretty good scene where Yara looks soooooo tough and king-ly, but the men of Pyke would rather have a murderous psycho as a king, so she and Theon take off on the best ships. I want to know where they're heading. Will they preempt Euron and head to Daenerys? Will they just circle Planetos until they die? What will they do? 

Jorah and Daenerys: touching. I am wondering, though: if Jorah touches the greyscale with his other hand, does it spread there? I feel like it would... But I also find it hard to believe that Jorah has managed to avoid touching his arm at all since he acquired the greyscale, so... I don't know.

The worst part ever
Of course, at the end of the episode, there's the worst scene ever. Hodor. Hold-the-door Hodor. Honestly, I couldn't even sleep after I saw it! It was incredibly depressing! Hodor was one of two completely decent people on GoT. Obviously, I am referring to Pod. I suppose you might count Brienne as a third. So Hodor is 1/3 of the decent people on GoT. And he's D-E-A-D! And he died such an ugly death! Boo.

 

To distract myself, I hunted around for interesting GoT theories online to see if anyone had come up with anything new. I had this conversation with a friend after the episode, via text. I sent him a very thoughtful theory and then this happened.

Me: So I've been thinking maybe Meera Reed might be Jon's twin after all. Howland Reed was with Ned at the Tower of Joy, and maybe he took the girl baby and Ned took the boy, and passed them both off as their own.

George: Hodor.

Me: Hahahahahaha
George: Hodor, Hodor.

Me: Is this how you're going to pay homage? It's like a vow of silence....only Hodor.

George: Hodor :(

Me: That's deep.

George: Hodor. 

So I guess that's all there really is to say. 
Hodor.
 
 
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Monday, May 9, 2016

Melisandre Monday: He's BA-ACK!

Oh, Jon. Jon, Jon, Jon. It wasn't two minutes in when you flashed your newly resurrected tush. Thank you.
So this episode was kind of a mixed bag. 
Sam's barfing. I bet he really regrets saying that whole, "Wherever you go, I go too," thing to Gilly. She keeps throwing it in his face. She's a woman. She'll never forget. 
Ollie's hanging. 
Tell me that wasn't incredibly depressing. I get it; he killed Jon. He had to pay the price, but that stinks. 
And Rickon Stark's standing, literally, right in front of the sicko Ramsay Snow. So that's not good. Ramsay looked at him with his crazy eyes and I almost peed my pants.
Now let's talk about the most important part of this episode. And beware, if you don't like to hear about theories, you should stop reading now.

Now.

I mean it, now.

The Tower of Joy
Let's make sure we're on the same page. When Ned is fighting the Sword of the Morning outside the tower, that's the Tower of Joy, right? And he says Rhaegar Targaryen is already dead. And then you hear the screaming inside the tower. Please tell me you agree: Ned will race inside the Tower of Joy and find Lyanna Stark dying, giving birth to Jon Snow (who should be Jon...Targaryen?!)!

They set it up quite nicely. "Why weren't you protecting your prince?" Ned asks the Targaryen men. "Because our prince wanted us here." Ummm...yeah! Because tiny baby Jon is being born in there!

This episode might not have been the most exciting, but the scene with Ned outside the tower totally tided me over till the next time. 

Now that Jon is leaving the Night's Watch (I had wondered about this - he died once, so does he really have to uphold his oath? I vote no), I think he'll head to the only place that matters to him. Winterfell. It's not like he knows anything about Bran, Rickon, Sansa or Arya.

Sort of a dry crowd
I love Messandei, and I love Greyworm, but this scene certainly did capture their single-mindedness! Their utter lack of a sense of humor (completely understandable, given the whole slave childhood thing) and their blank, stoic faces cracked me up. It was nice to see some comic relief before watching Arya get beat upside the head with a big stick. And also nice to see Tyrion so out of his element and desperate to make friends.

The Little Birds
At the end of Vary's speech to Tyrion, he talks about his 'little birds'. I turned to my friend and said, "I really want to know how it works with his 'little birds'!" And then we turn to Qybern, who's literally feeding the little birds candy. I guess I should've seen this coming. Did you? Or were you as clueless as me?

It took me a minute to remember that Khyber is the master of whispers now. Still having a hard time with that appointment. So when Cersei said, "Varys' little birds," did you take it to mean that she had always known that the little birds were children? It surprises me that she knew anything that she didn't already leak. She's kind of transparent. I feel like, if she knew, she'd already have let it slip when she was threatening someone through her teeth.

Poor Tommen
Partway through this scene, it occurred to me that Tommen might be a convert! He's a mess, really. His voice hasn't even gone through the change yet. Poor little guy. He's always on the verge of tears. His dad would've been pretty disgusted.


BTW, how is it that, even with all of those layers on, you can still tell that Jon Snow is a hotpants?

 
 
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Saturday, May 7, 2016

Maintaining your tenuous grasp on sanity...the last six weeks.

You know it. I know it. We all know it. You're losing your mind.

It's not your fault. If one more kid sits through ten minutes of a lesson and then says, "But I don't have a pencil," you're going to climb up the wall. I'm already up there, waiting for you. 

To help you maintain your tenuous grasp on your sanity (and your teaching certificate), I've compiled a brief list of helpful tips. Ignore them at your own risk.

 
 
1.  Cut a hole in the bottom of your "Turn In Basket" for assignments. Place the turn in basket on top of the trash can. Grading = done!
 
2. Have each student create an award for another student in the class. Tell them to keep it top secret (this reduces chatter). Awards = done!
 
3. Go through your files and pull out all of your big projects - the ones that take nine weeks that you'll try to cram into six weeks and require four trips to Hobby Lobby for pipe cleaners, tulle, and craft scissors, and coordinating with the librarian, computer lab, and art teacher - and throw them away. Play BINGO every day instead. Planning = done!
 
 
4. Second investment: a large treasure box full of the most disgusting snacks. This includes Hot Cheetos, Fun Dip, and Sour Patch Kids. Explain to students that they will receive one treat each day, as long as they don't break the one rule. This rule is: Figure it out yourself and leave me alone. 

At the end of the day, every child who has solved their own problems without disturbing you in any way will receive their choice of one disgusting treat. Hand it to them on their way out the door. They will eat it on the way home and the parents will have to deal with their Cheeto fingers. Not my problem. 

Any child who has not solved their own problems will receive a dirty look. Behavior = managed!
 
5.  Prep your meals on Sunday. Lay out five tupperware containers for your lunches. In each tupperware, place: 1 bag of popcorn, 1 Hershey bar, and one of those mini bottles of wine. I recently discovered these, and they are the perfect size for a teacher's lunchbox! Lunch - ready!
 
6. Invest in a wine company. Then buy at least four cases of wine. At a bottle a day, that leaves you six bottles left over - one to double up each Monday. This might be enough. Teacher = happy!

If this doesn't help you stay sane, call in sick and send someone else in as tribute.

Happy Teaching!
 
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Monday, May 2, 2016

Melisandre Monday: Spoilers abound

Can I just say...
I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!
I told you so! I told you so!
Woohoo!
 
And what's even better, I have proof! Check out last week's post to see how I was right about Jon Snow.  

And now, back to business.

My husband sent me this today. 

Bran & Hodor
When the show opens, Bran is hanging around Winterfell of the past. I liked it. It made me so happy to think that Ned had a decent childhood. You know, because his adulthood kind of stunk.

And then we learn about Hodor Willis! What's that about? I was terrified that he was going to fight Benjen and then Benjen would bop him on the head and that's why he can only say Hodor. That obviously didn't happen. 
There's some sort of significance to the word "hodor," but I have no theories about what that is. When Bran asks him why he can't talk again, I almost feel like Hodor was trying to communicate something. Ack, depressing.

I like Meera and all, but I wasn't that interested in anything she had to say. 
So moving on.
      
Castle Black
As soon as the scene changed to Castle Black, everybody froze up, right? All those arrows at the ready? Ollie in the crowd of men outside the door? And Jon Snow, still dead. 
"For now," I told my friend wisely.

At this point, as Aliser's men a're breaking down the door, I was like, "Just wait one more minute! I'm sure the wildlings are on their way! Edd will finally come through!" And then we heard it... The thunk... of a GIANT! YESSSS! Wildlings attack!!

It was a short-lived battle, really. Just took one guy to hit the giant with an arrow and have his head exploded against the wall, and that was about it. Ollie was the only one who didn't know when he's been beat. 

Go Edd!

And then they go back up to the room. And Jon Snow is still dead.

Everybody's sad about it. Except for me. I know he'll be back.

King's Landing
The moment we heard that guy talking about Cersei on the streets, you knew he was gonna die, right? Because that's just how it goes in King's Landing. And this time, it was the Frankenstein Mountain. Another exploded head.
 Honestly, those eye stone things are probably the creepiest part of the show. They're creepier than Melisandre and her shadow baby, even. The High Sparrow says the stones help to remind us not to fear death. Ummmm.... I don't think it's working.

And then there's Tommen. Poor, poor Tommen. He's really helpless. And what's worse is that he knows it.

And then there was some stuff with Jaime and the High Sparrow (tense) and with Tommen and Cersei (wine).
      
Tyrion & Varys
I want a T-shirt that says, "That's what I do. I drink and I know things." Maybe that should be the tagline of this blog. Maybe I should hang it on a sign outside my door at school. I feel so connected to Tyrion right now. He's one of my favorite people. (*Edit: Just found this. It is, apparently, a T-shirt already.)

When Tyrion & Varys head down into the catacombs, I had serious anxiety. I remembered the last time someone headed down there - he got burned up - and even though I knew (remember, I know things) that he'd be fine, it was still pretty stressful. I love that he told them a story. This interaction really added to the dragons' personalities and demonstrated how intelligent they are. I can't wait to see where that goes. 

Also, is it just me, or did you get a feeling that there's some Targaryen in Tyrion? If the legends are true... Well, I'm just sayin' it would explain a lot. It's not a perfect theory, of course.
    
Ramsay & Roose
So...Ramsay was busy...
Ummm.... he became an orphan and an only child in the span of ten minutes... not really sure what to say about that. Sicko. What's the most horrific death? I think the Viper's death was pretty bad. Ramsay deserves soooooooooo much worse. I think he might finally be in over his head. Can't wait for episode three.

Everybody Else
Arya was pretty incredible. I definitely would have said, "I'm Arya Stark. Now give me my eyes back."
Ugh, Theon. He's sorry, but he's awful, but he's sorry he's awful. I'm not really sure how to feel about Theon.
Life at the Iron Islands must be the most horrible existence. It's miserable.
  
And then, Jon!
Melisandre looks totally defeated. Ser Davos is so loveable. He's literally asking the woman who burned Shireen for help. He asked the question we all wanted to ask. "Do you know of any...magic that can bring him back?" Yes, Davos. Yes, she does. 

Melisandre started by cleaning up Jon's (manly) torso. She cut little snips from his thick, wavy locks with the worst pair of scissors ever created. She washed his hair (inexplicably). When her theme song started playing as she rested her hands over his wounds, you knew you were in for a show. 

I was terrified. I spouted off, like eight theories in one minute.

He's going to come back in Ghost!
Ghost is going to be the price for blood magic!
They're going to burn him up and he'll just be sitting there the next morning like Dany!

Once Davos (and everybody) left the room, and Ghost started to pick up his head, I got really excited. Just wait! I shouted. He's gonna gasp for air and wake up! He's going to! 

And then he did! YAAAAYYYY!

So that was a very satisfying episode. A couple thoughts:
  • Now that Jon Snow is basically indebted to Melisandra... what's that going to look like? She'll follow him around like Stannis and tell him to do weird stuff? I don't think he'll do it, but that's gonna cramp his style fo sho.
  • What will Jon do with Alliser? I mean, he'll probably have him killed. But you know, how?
Have you watched this? Do. 
 
 
 
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